The Diary of a Twenty Three Year Old Wannabe
by TwiLighT7242
Summary: Bella started to write a story during spring break just to have a sense of outlet for her feelings. But what if Edward discovers it? "You're writing erotica, Bella?" M for language, lemons, angst and for Bella's thought process. Nuff said. AU, AH
1. SPRING BREAK MONDAY NOTHING ELSE TO DO

**A-yo! I'm back with this story I classify as 'spin-off'. For the readers of 'Emmett's Theory', while I'm currently brainstorming about the sequel, I'll be writing this just to keep you girls on your toes ;) This is first set during their spring break while Bella was alone in their apartment and had apparently written a friggin' story to keep herself busy. To new readers, I think this story can stand alone, but it's best to read the first story to understand what's happening in Bella's RL. Obviously, all Bella's perspective.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything Twilight. Only the plot and Bella's crazy story.**

**You might notice some changes (or not) 'cause I finally scored a beta. Thanks to the amazing Breath-of-twilight. Honestly, totally blew me away, bb! READ HER STORIES!  
**

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**SPRING BREAK MONDAY – NOTHING ELSE TO DO**

My first Monday of spring break ironically starts with my ringtone, Linkin Park's 'Waiting For The End'. I reluctantly open my sleepy eyes and search for my damn phone. Whoever is calling me and ruining my friggin' sleep better have something damn good to say or else there will be hell to pay.

"What?" I answer hoarsely, cradling my phone between my ear and shoulder.

_"Morning, B! Just wanna tell you that we've arrived in Tennessee already_,"Rose says excitedly. She and Em had planned this the whole time last week. She said that Emmett wanted to formally introduce her to his 'rents.

I sigh in frustration. I can't flip out on her when she's so damn excited you can feel it over the phone. "Oh, okay. Have fun there. Bring home a horse, okay?" I joke.

She laughs. _"I'll try."_

I chuckle. "Kay, bye."

_"Bye." _And she hangs up.

_Greeeeat, _I can't go back to sleep anymore. Glancing at the alarm clock, I learn that it's only seven in the morning. I huff and force myself to get out of the bed. I start my day with a bath to wake the nerves up.

After a soothing bath, I pad back to my room to put on my usual shirt and jeans, and comb my hair. I gaze at my reflection in the mirror. This is the first time I actually _look _at my appearance. The person I'm seeing looks _horrifying_. Wild black hair, alabaster skin - oh, god, no wonder Edward won't even dare think of converting back for me. I really should just go back to my old hair color.

Next stop, after spending a good fifteen minutes of criticizing my look and eventually finalizing it with a ponytail, is the kitchen. Since I'm alone and have no one else to cook breakfast for me or cook for, I make myself an omelette, some garlic bread, and a pot of coffee. I clean my own dishes when I'm done and proceed to cleaning the apartment.

Much to my dismay, I finish after only a couple of hours. Who knew someone, let alone _me, _would ever be disappointed that the housework is done in a short period of time and have a lot of free time for the day? I whine helplessly and return to my room.

Climbing back into my bed, I ponder about what Edward might be doing right now. Thinking back to last Friday, I don't know if he would_ ever _want me to go back to his place. He's been humiliated in front of Jake and, _inexplicably, _Tanya. Hell, I'm more humiliated! I still shudder and cringe whenever I remember what happened. Okay, moving on…

I have nothing else to do. What kind of vacation is this? I can't even enjoy it! I can't think of anything better to do. I most certainly don't wanna do the laundry. Anything else but _that!_

Fortunately, in the darkest of times, an idea sparks in my mind. I immediately grab my laptop and turn it on. I refresh my desktop thrice and quickly click on my Word application. What else is better than spending my week doing what I love – writing! I've been taking Creative Writing classes for two year now, so this is a great way to try out what I've learned.

_Okay, think of a plot… Something close to you, for starters… Ha! I got it. _With a cheeky smile on my face, I type away.

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**Ya like? Who wants to read her story with me?**


	2. PREFACE

**AT LAST, PEEPS! I'M BACK! Sorry for the long wait. **

**The chapters I'll post are only gonna be snippets of the whole book, so, expect skipping chapters every now and then.**

**Beta'd by Breath-of-twilight :D xx**

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1.

**PREFACE**

_I could hear the voices all around me as I made my way past the lockers in the hallway. It would seem that all of the skanks of this campus huddled up just to gossip about their latest juice – me. Everywhere I could see groups giving me the stink-eye. I tried to ignore them as hard as I could, but every now and then they would call me and catch my attention._

_This was not the way I imagined everything! Sure, I got all the attention, but this was not what I wanted. This was not the kind of attention I was expecting. I looked up at the balcony and saw my friends sending me sympathetic looks, showing me that they wanted to help. Unfortunately, they could not because their hands were tied. They simply couldn't do anything because they were warned not to. Hell, they were even told not to speak to me! Goddammit._

_I sighed to myself and struggled to keep my tears from falling. I could not afford to lose one more ounce of dignity in front of these people. _

_This wasn't the way it was supposed to be._

I exhale deeply and lean back to think of how the story will continue. Damn, that is some story. It's a bit too girly and melodramatic for my taste, but, ah, fuck. Who gives a shit anyways? I'm the only one who's gonna be able to read this crap. "What-the-fuck-ever."

I put my arms behind my head. _Now, what's next? Oh, yeah, character names. Hmm… I need a good one. _Like hell I'm gonna use my real name! That's just fucked up. _But a close one from my name would be nice. _

"Belle?"_ Too close… and girly. _

"Marie?"_ Too simple. _

"Blair?" _Too Gossip Girl-ish... but sounds fitting. _

"Izzy?" I shudder. _Can't believe I just said that name!_

Suddenly, American Pie flashes into my mind. I Google the movie and find the character names, and the actors. _Nadia… Vicki… Stifler?_ I laugh. Finally, I find what I'm looking for. "Alyson." _Why Alyson?_ I can't for the life of me figure out why Alyson sticks out to me, but just when I am about to type in the name, I realize the name is too sweet to portray the 'wannabe'. Seriously, when I hear that word two other names immediately come to mind – Lauren and Jessica!

God, I hate those bitches.

I groan, knowing I have to start all over again. I can't even get past the character names yet! So, how can I finish this? Deflated, I fall back to the bed feeling like a loser. I turn sideways and hug a pillow against my chest. I glance up at my bedside table only to find a book placed there. Huh. I don't own a book called, 'Confessions of a Shopaholic', so why do I have this shit inside my room? Sighing in resignation, I pick up the damn book. "What are you doing in here?" I mutter to myself while scanning the front and back cover. There is this girl who had shopped too much, buying useless shit, and now she's broke. I snort and put the book back on the table.

Ironically, I immediately looked it up on the internet. I learn that the novel was turned into a movie just a few years ago, and that the woman on the front cover of the book, Isla Fisher, is the main actress. "Isla…" My eyes widen. It's the perfect name! And I can even say it came fromthe first and last two letters of my first name. Life's good.

"Yes!" I cheer. "Booya!" Cue the brake effects. I still don't have a main guy character, and friends, the supporting characters...

"Good guy name…" I tap my chin, lost in thought. _Jason, Jim, Alex, Jesus… _What? He's a good guy! Okay. Back to work. _Nick, Nate, Adam, Joseph, Paul… _Why are the all so cliché? Just because I'm looking for a good guy's name doesn't mean I have to think of Bible characters! _James, William, Henry, Charles, Harry, Edward… Edward… _

_I'm in love with Edward… _

_That's not what you're supposed to think of, Bella! _"Sorry," I tell myself. I miss him. What can I do?

So, again, starting over. _Liam, Louis, Zayn, Niall… _What now? I like them. Sue me for remembering Edward when I see them and listen to their songs.

"Edward," I whisper. _Edward… Ed, Edd, and Eddie. _I chuckle, knowing he'd be pissed off if I mentioned the cartoon to him. I somehow manage to forget what I'm really doing and keep chanting the title of the fuckin' cartoon. _Ed, Edd, and Eddie… Ed, Edd, and Eddie… Ed… Ed… _

"Fuck, that's it! Ed!" I pump my fist. The lead male character is close to Edward's name. I sigh dreamily.

"Yes! Time for the supporting characters' names." Surely there will be two girls 'cause one chick is not enough to push a wannabe. There will always, always,_ always _be an entourage. Somebody the character will be jealous and envious of yet she also loves… and will do crazy things with them. _Marylou and Lily Ann… _yes! Perfect names! Mary Alice is _Marylou _while Rosalie Lillian is _Lily. _I bite my lip to control my giddiness. Typing away…

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**Like the preface? What about her characters?**


	3. WHO IS 'ME?

**Hope you're still with me, ladies. I admit that I've been away for a time too long even for my taste. **

**Anyways, who's ready to see the beginning of the book? :D**_  
_

**P.S. Remember, all chapters won't be shown. Just snippets of them.**

**P.S.S. If one reader gets confused about the half part of this, go to _Emmett's Theory. _You'll understand ;)**

**Beta'd by Breath-of-twilight. xx**

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2.

**WHO IS 'ME'?**

_The first day of school turned out to be... tolerable. I met two girls in the parking lot – Lily; she was tall and blonde-haired, and the other, Marylou, was petite with short black-hair. Their names might have been as old as the vintage car Dad owns, but, damn, if they weren't as popular in school as that car would be if flaunted to a bunch of car enthusiasts! Well, guess what? They wanted me to be their friend! There's just one problem; I don't think I'm 'it', you know? *sighs*_

_Thought for the day: Life can be a bitch. In fact, life is a bitch. It has mood swings. One moment, it lets you become happy, and then the next, you're full of despair. It is also an endless cycle of wanting something - your needs and want - which you will have to work hard for, but still always, always makes you think you still need to prove yourself to the world. You see? That's what I feel. I'm just not enough to the world.__I have to show them a different 'me' JUST TO BE ACCEPTED. _

_After signing her name at the bottom of her entry, Isla closed her diary and climbed back to bed. As she lay sideways, staring at the wall, she pondered over her almost seventeen years of existence. Isla had always been the only child in her family. Some envied her because of that mere fact, while some judged her, assuming she must be spoiled and snobbish. All the girls in her old school told her she was lucky because she did not have any siblings to worry about or need to get off her back. They all said that without even knowing Isla's real situation. __She even betted that no one even knew it made her feel lonely most of the time. __Sure, she did not have competition for her parents' attention, but that sole advantage was actually her problem; she knew she wasn't enough. Growing up, her father, Charles, wanted her to learn baseball and basketball - feats she could not accomplish without tripping or being rushed to the emergency room. She knew deep inside her that she tried, but did her father know that? No. Her mother, Reese, on the other hand, had a competitive nature in her._ _Reese wanted Isla dolled up and looking prettier than her girlfriends' daughters. She was always pushing her to be the best, not because she was plain proud of her, but because she hated the truth, that Isla was the only kid she had. She despised Isla's clumsy nature, to boot, since it caused her daughter to obtain bruises and scratches, making her skin rough and full of scars and patches. The whole seventeen years, she was pushing her to the limit until she realized she didn't know what she was doing anymore or what it was for. Isla lost herself – her own identity._

After typing the whole chapter for only twenty minutes, I sigh heavily, feeling myself emotionally connecting to Isla's story. I don't know why, but it's feels like this story is some sort of a diary (Good God, I have a diary!)… or an odd, pathetic excuse for an autobiography. This chapter is too close to my real life, only Charlie was left alone after Mom's death. Still, Esme and Mom's other girlfriends "adopted" me and used me as an extra Barbie when they were already done with Rose, Alice, and Jessica. I actually remember getting confused what kind of activity I should do or what clothes I should wear. It's true; I did lose my own identity. Fuck me, Tanya's right.

Suddenly, a loud knock erupts from the door, breaking my train of thought. I quickly pad to the door. Someone is whispering on the other side. _Okaaaaay?_

_Whoever it is, it couldn't be another fucktard wanting to break into my house; he wouldn't use the doorbell_, _right?_ With slight hesitation and a skeptical look, I open the door. My expression changes when I see Edward in front of me.

"Edward? Come in," I invite him, opening the door wider so he can enter. I lead him to the living room couch. It might not be as plush as his (I know because I've tried it… you know?), but it's certainly comfortable. What with Jazz picking "the best" couch for _us_. Like the fucker lives here.

I'm digressing. Yeah, yeah. I know, alright!

"Flowers." Edward pushes a huge ass bouquet of flowers up. I look at him with a surprised face. Who knew he was carrying that thing the whole time?

"For me?" I ask, not believing this. My second week being straight and I get flowers from the reason why I converted in the first place. Never in my life have I received a gesture as sweet as this except for today. I've always thought Alice was just a sappy bitch when she almost cries after Jasper has given her flowers and chocolates. Holy shit, it feels good! Very… uplifting… and inspiring. Shit! I can't write angst if I'm going to feel all girly and weak.

Nevertheless, I take the bouquet. But bouquets are supposed to have a card, right? You know, to turn the girl into a puddle of goo? Like an idiot, I search for it.

"What are you doing?" Edward observes, looking at me like I have lost my mind.

"Who's this from?" I gesture to the bouquet. After saying that, I get this fucking facepalm urge. _Can't believe you're not contented, bitch! _I bite my lip, wanting to say sorry to myself, but control it instead.

He stares at me with wide eyes, probably offended by my question_. Great, Bella. Just great! You ruined everything._"From me-asen," he stutters.

"Masen? Who the hell is that?" I scrunch up my eyebrows, trying to conceal my disappointment that it's not from him. I even thought that, for a second, he was saying "me" but it just morphed into "Masen".

"Uh…" He fidgets in his seat, obviously not knowing what to say.

"Whatever." I wave my hand dismissively, losing my interest in the flowers because they aren't from him. Maybe, only women can convert back their sexuality. He'll always be gay. Fuck, I gave him head two nights ago, for Christ sakes! _Don't tear up, Bella! You do not have to be weak just because you're a female. You are a strong, unique woman._

I should probably apologize about it now that I know the result. "Listen. About last F-" I start.

"Bella," he whispers. "I had a very weird dream…"

Do I fucking care? Why fucking tell it to me, dude? "You did?"

He gulps and stares at me with glazed eyes as he tells me about his dream. "And then I saw your bare kitty and then went back to the kitchen to get another fork. Within minutes, I go back and you were nowhere to be found, but you're actually under the dining table, and you fellating me…"

"Fellating? Like blow job?" Is he fucking kidding me? He thought that was a dream?

And then he continues with his story, describing it and comparing it to a scene in _American Wedding. _Coincidentally, I realize I was searching the net for that same movie just hours ago.

"Are you fuckin' serious, Edward?" I shout, just when his shitty storytelling ends. "That was a dream?"

"Yeah…"

I glare at him. "That did happen, fucker! And I didn't make out with Tanya. She's an ex!"

"She's your ex? Wow. You're androgynous," he muses. The fuck?

"What are you talking about?"

"You made out with her! The gang was even watching the both of you," he argues. He was there?

I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath, convincing myself not to strangle him. "That's normal for her. She's a friend, okay?"

"I'm not gay anymore," he all of a sudden blurts out.

Fuck me. "You're not?" Should I believe his ass? He's fucking out of it right now.

"Uh, no."

"Since when?" I grill. Gah, I'm too happy!

"I don't know." He shakes his head, confusion apparent in his eyes.

Ah, fuck. Whatever! I sigh dreamily. "Doesn't matter."

I can tell Edward is _really _confused right now. _Asshole! _"Are you okay? Were you just shitting me?"

"I can't do that when I don't even know what we're talking about in the first place," he explains.

I can feel my jaw scraping the rug. "You said you're not gay!"

"I'm not!"

"You are not…?" Great. Now, _I'm _also confused.

"I'm not gay… anymore," he clarifies.

Let's see… I snort for good measure. "Never really thought you were gay."

"Really?" He leans closer, very interested in what I am about to say.

"Yeah. You're like, just confused and shit," says the girl who wouldn't admit that until two weeks ago.

"I wasn't! Why do people keep on telling me that?"

I huff at him in annoyance. You think you're the only one? "Edward, don't bother about that part anymore 'cause you're not one now."

"Okay," he shrugs.

"Weird."

"You are," he shoots back.

"I'm not gay," I admit sheepishly.

"'Cause you're lesbian…"

For a smart person, Edward's _incredibly _stupid. "I'm not _lesbian_ anymore."

"Really? That's great!" Fucker grips me and shakes me like crazy.

"It is?"

He nods eagerly. "Do you wanna go out tonight?"

"No dresses," I warn.

"Pssh. Whatever."

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**So, now you know Bella's take on that day. You also know a bit of her back story.**

**Now, what chapter of her story do you want to read?**

**SHOW SOME LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR BELLA :3**


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